Swamped

by | Jun 1, 2012 | Family | 5 comments

Disappeared under aqueous bullshit, pulled under by weeds of despair. Swamped. That’s where I’ve been. Still inundated, but I’m trying to drag myself out now. Blogging is buoyancy.

So much has happened. Most of it has happened inside of me. Tremendous invisible events, sending my heart racing, my brain spinning, and my emotions, well… Away. Far away.

The last milestone of my academic era was on Monday; an exam, followed by the hand-in of two essays. I don’t feel at all relaxed or relieved. The build-up has been full of dread, and sadly, I think this will follow me to results day in June. I did celebrate the end though. In fact, I have done almost every night this week. That will probably also follow me to results day.

There is pressure and stress about my performance, and what degree classification I will actually come out with. But this has all stemmed from the fact that I’m questioning this because my performance has not been up to par. Nothing has gone the way it should have gone. Does it ever? My performance has suffered because of the incredible anxiety and anguish I’ve been feeling for the past month because I’ve realised, it’s happening. It’s always been in my head, the thought of one day having the male contoured body I should have been born with, being allowed to look the boyish way I look because it fits with my gender, having the life that I want to have. Since I’ve made little changes, like binding, getting flatter, packing, binding with tape as well as a vest, getting even flatter, and telling my friends to use male pronouns, I’ve realised I can’t go back. Not even one little baby step back. I’ve become so used to it so fast, because it just fits.

But with the response from my mum and my dad, I’m scared that I’ll have to go back. They both said to me that once I’ve finished with final year and exams and got those stressors out of the way, we can talk about it properly. So finishing my degree has been a battle of rushing to get it over and celebrate, and being so apprehensive of the end of it all, knowing my transition is getting even more real, and coming out to my family.

And now those stressors are out of the way. We can talk about it properly.

It feels like there’s a tension between my mum and I, since she didn’t take the news so well initially. And now that I’ve finished, it’s like it’s the only possible thing on either of our minds. My dad is in Pakistan right now, and his main concern is that I’ve done my degree to a gold standard, with the best of my abilities. I don’t think either of them understand that I cannot just put my feelings to one side while I turn into a studious robot. Like them; focus on one issue per offspring at a time.

I think that’s an effective enough apology for my absence.

Next time, on Smash Brown, photoshoots, nationalities and weddings. And for a limited time only, comes with 100% less emotion!

Written By Sabah Choudrey

About the Author: Sabah Choudrey

Sabah Choudrey is a renowned consultant, writer, and speaker. With a background in public speaking, writing, and therapy, Sabah is dedicated to advocating for mental health and LGBTQ+ rights. Their work has inspired many to embrace their identities and live authentically.

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5 Comments

  1. J.C. Prime

    This resonates so much with me, even though my journey’s just beginning (transition-wise and academically). You condensed it so well here: “I cannot just put my feelings to one side while I turn into a studious robot.” Excellently expressed; that was all I had to say, really.

    -JC

    Reply
  2. Eli

    Smash,

    This waiting for the either shoe to drop is the worst time. Really, it’d the pits, and usually, it’s worse than the reality of the situation.

    I wish you the best, and some relief, and some deep breaths.

    -Eli

    Reply
    • Eli

      Jesus, let me apologize for the rampant typos in my above comment, I’m an ass. But WordPress is also an ass for auto-correcting misspellings into altogether new words.

      Reply
      • Smash Brown

        Not too worry, I actually didn’t notice any the first time I read it; guess that makes me a bit of an ass too.
        Thanks for your comment anyway Eli :)

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