About three weeks ago, I got the opportunity to make history. I’m fucking serious. The local FTM group teamed up with the Terrance Higgins Trust to make the first UK FTM specific sexual health guide. Apparently it’s the third of its kind in the whole world too. Considering those statistics, you can see why it’s important for this kind of guide to be published. Sexual health is something that isn’t always talked about, and when it is, it’s very gender binary. When you look across the gender spectrum, talking about sexual health becomes even more hidden, because for some people, discussing ‘how you do it’ causes great discomfort, even from just the language used. It’s easy to ignore your body, especially if you’re not on good terms.

Going to the clinic for a check-up for any trans-person will undoubtedly cause discomfort. Whether it’s a smear test or checking out ‘down there’, you’re going to face the raised eyebrow of the receptionist because what you’ve said doesn’t seem to add up with what you look like. I know at some point in my life I’ll be going to my local GP for that dreaded coming-of-age smear test, and I will fully present as male, and it’ll probably be plastered on my record too. The last thing I want is a scene in the waiting room, or an awkward moment in the nurse’s room. I hope for trans-friendly clinics and GPs and I really feel that having a publication like this will let people know what we need to talk about, how we need to talk about it, and how we are going to address it.

This guide is not even just for transgendered people. It’s for doctors and nurses. And cisgendered people too. It’s about awareness; we have different bodies. Beware. Well that sounds scary. We’re not scary. We’re sexy.

I volunteered to model for the booklet, along with a few others from the group. There were several motives behind my decision. Because it is a big decision. You’re theoretically outing yourself globally. Not only will you be in a guide that will be available all over the UK, but you’ll be on the internet, and once something is on the internet, it is everywhere. Do I really want to be out for the rest of my life? Anyone could recognise me. And it’ll always be there. But then I thought about what I’ve written about on this blog. About cultural awareness. And I realised, I have an opportunity to do something about this. This is fantastic. The thought of people be looking at this FTM health guide, and browsing transman pages on such a notorious website, seeing a handsome brown fellow smiling shyly, means so much, that all those outing issues faded away. Besides, I’m trans and I’m proud.

So it figured, that on the day of the photoshoot, everyone else was white. Including all transwomen bar one. (THT are printing out a sexual health guide for MTFs too.) I felt so great that just from me being there, I was promoting diversity, breaking stereotypes and hopefully, somehow, breaking the silence of transgenderism in South Asian culture.

It was a long day, but nice day nonetheless. One of my other motives for volunteering was to bond with my local FTM group a little more – I’ve only been to two meetings, and I still feel like such a newbie. The photoshoot was a great icebreaker for me. I got to talk to the committee personally and hopefully make more of an impression than being the blushing pre-op in the corner of the room. I also felt comfortable enough to ask about the process a few transguys have been through; the photoshoot brought up a lot of FTM discussion as you can imagine. I took advantage and asked questions about nipples and tailors; the stuff you don’t really read on transmen FAQs.

At the end of the day, the team informed us that all of us will have our photos on the website. However, only three of us seven guys will featured in the booklet for transmen; one on the front cover, and two hotshots on the inside. The opportunity turned into a competition. I’m not quite sure when we will find out who Mr Transman 2012 is. But I’m sure we’re all eager to be in the booklet. My hopes aren’t too high; I’m pre-everything and most of the time I just look like a boyish lesbian. (Saying this, one of the guys at the shoot actually thought I was already a few months on T, how awesome did that make me feel!) But I hope they don’t just go for the transmen who look like men either. It would just give the impression that all transmen look like normal men – nothing wrong with that – but not all transmen want to look like normal men, i.e. go on T, grow beards, or even wear men’s clothing. And all transmen aren’t white men either. The photographers had the opportunity of having a ‘diverse’ range of models, and I really hope they use that.

I will, of course, post up links to the webpage and booklet as soon as I find out. Unless I make the front cover. The fame might just get to my head and I’ll have to move onto higher things. Only joking.

And oh, in case you’re wondering, my final motive was financial. Hey, I’m only human.

Trans Men – www.tht.org.uk/sexual-health/Sex,-reproduction-and-gender/Transmen

Trans Women – www.tht.org.uk/sexual-health/Sex,-reproduction-and-gender/Transwomen