2nd November marks the beginning of #YouthWorkWeek 2020 and I’m going to start with a message to a young person: to myself.

“What would you say to your younger self?”

I get asked this question a lot. But I don’t often think about my answer. Actually, I don’t often think of my younger self. Not because I’m ashamed or whatever else you might think a trans person holds for their childhood, but because my younger self is so far away. I felt like I had to grow up so fast and carry things that children shouldn’t. I don’t have any regrets because it wasn’t on me; it was on the adults in my life. And maybe it’s just a part of being LGBTQ too. We have to find ourselves much quicker because we are questioned much more and I think that matured me. And before I knew it, I was on the other side, a youth worker and a leader. So let me take a moment to sit beside my younger self and say this:

I don’t remember how old you were when you first started praying, but I remember when you first started asking Allah to make you change. You were a child whispering to yourself and sometimes just in your head so Allah was the only one to hear you. You prayed to turn into a boy, to change down there, you had so much faith in the power of prayer that this didn’t even take away your happiness. You believed until you didn’t. But your prayers will not go unanswered. You will return when you are ready.

You’re using the only language you know and you’re repeating the only words you’ve been given. You will find your language, you will outgrow it and you’ll find another. Look for words that tell people not what your gender or genitals are but words that tell others you’re happy and enough and still figuring it out. You are enough. Keep going.

I know you’re desperate to find someone like you and that will drive you to darkness when you don’t. But even in darkness you will find home and carve space for yourself and for others. That’s a gift. You’ll find light and see you are not alone. They will always be there and they always were there. I know you are doing the best you can do to survive. Keep breathing.