I find myself stuck between thoughts and screens, half written actions, lists and notes to self.

I start a conversation, but halfway through I’m wondering if I need to say something about what’s going on.

I take a selfie, but before sharing it, I’m wondering if I need to say something about what’s going on.

I take on a new job, but before starting it, I’m wondering if I need to say something about what’s going on.

We know what’s going on.

We’re going through two massive pandemics right now, both impacting Black people and people of colour (BPOC) globally and both are also related. Coronavirus, a disease that’s only affecting BPOC because of the first pandemic that has been undetected for so long. Racism: historical, institutional, systemic, anti-black, racism.

This is not new.

I don’t need to say something about what’s going on because it has been said.

This is not everything.

I was halfway through writing this when I saw a tweet by Nim Ralph about The Movement Cycle by #MovementNetLab. I’m so thankful they did. Nim wrote:

“When looking at movements throughout history they have a typical cycle of energy and activity. Most people think of a movement as existing in its ‘uprising’ and its ‘peak.’ These are stages when there has been a ‘trigger moment’ that kicks off rapid change and attention. There are lots of types of trigger moments but right now are unprecedented times in my lifetime and we are living through a few simultaneously (on different scales) e.g. COVID-19 and global lockdowns, the murder of George Floyd, the reform of the GRA and many more.”

Movements are attractive, popular, trending. Hash tags. Pride flags. Black squares.

But this isn’t the whole movement, it’s just a peak.

After that comes contraction. Without knowing the words, I’ve been preparing myself, maybe already moving into contraction. Contraction as in shrinking. Prepare for decrease in numbers/energy/care. Contraction as in tightening. Prepare for (another) backlash/push back/burn out. It might look like I am withdrawing but I am reserving. The movement needs to be kept alive and so do we. This is all part of the cycle. Movements are not always visible. A cycle is not always smooth.

Part of this is disillusionment. The disillusion is that what we see on our screens is the whole picture, forgetting our screens is just one scene. There is so much happening behind-the-screens. The disillusion is that we can keep this energy going. The disillusion is that nothing like this has happened before and will happen again. I don’t know whether that is encouraging or heartbreaking.

After that comes evolution, we can build ourselves back up. But we shouldn’t wait until then to rest.

Coronavirus and Ramadan forced me to slow down. A rare chance to pace myself. Since George Floyd’s death sparked global protests it feels more like a global race. But I’m not sure what the finish line is, let alone where it might be. I remind myself again: pace.

If we can’t extinguish a flame, we can slow a fire down. We are the fire. We’re not burning out. But for our fire to last longer, we can slow down. Pace. Rest. A new normal is coming.