Eid Mubarak to all my Muslim brothers, sisters, non-binary siblings and the rest of my queer family.
This month has been one of the hardest months I’ve faced yet. I have never felt so challenged, by my parents, myself, and my own faith. I feel it’s true what they say, what we run from, chases us. I have opened up the Qur’an since I finished reading it as a teenager and closed it. I never thought I’d pick it back up again. I have given myself permission to doubt and question… Am I Muslim enough?
I wrote a piece titled ‘Queer or Trans and Think You Don’t Deserve Religion? Here’s How I Reclaimed My Faith’ on Black Girl Dangerous long before Ramadan, when part of me was still broken, not yet healing. I didn’t realise that I was the last thing standing in the way of reclaiming my faith and healing my spirit.
I have asked Allah for forgiveness for the first time. And in doing so I am starting to forgive myself. I still don’t have all the answers I am looking for, but I’m letting go little by little instead. I still don’t have the answers, but the less I am tied to, the freer I will be.
This month has been one of the most rewarding yet. I am starting to understand what it really feels like to reclaim faith.
Featured Image: Ceiling artwork at Wazir Khan mosque, Lahore Pakistan